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Signs of infidelity

1. I am not in love with you any more
If you hear these words, a big warning bell should go off.
This is one of the most consistent things a cheating
spouse will say. Your spouse may have a deep, loving
bond with you but, intense feelings of passion can
override the bond with you and cause your spouse to
loose sight of his/her true feelings. The cheating spouse
will develop what I call hormone - induced amnesia. The
surging hormones and passion they feel in their new
relationship can cause some very skewed thinking.

We are just friends
This is also another very predictable statement that will
come from a cheating spouse. If your spouse is spending
more and more time with this new “friend” then there is
probably more to it than mere friendship. Your spouse
may feel they have a lot in common with this person, that
this person understands them and things they are going
through. Whatever the reasons for the friendship, it’s a
big warning sign and one you should take seriously.

A sudden need for privacy: If things the two of you
used to share openly suddenly become private pay
attention cause something is probably up. He/she may
start password protecting computer activity. Cell phone
and credit card bills may be hidden. If you ask why or
attempt to find out information that used to be common
knowledge between the two of you, you will be accused of
snooping or trying to control your spouse. Big warning

“I need some space to figure my feelings for you.”
Men and women who are involved with someone else will
request more space, time alone or away from the family.
They may say it is due to confusion over their feelings or
stress at work. This can be a sign that there is someone
else and the spouse is trying to figure out ways to have
more freedom.

Regular work habits change: Working late, going to
work at odd hours or, putting in more time than is normal
on work related issues can be indications that a spouse is

Spending large amounts of time on the computer
In today’s world, with modern technology, a person
looking for an affair doesn’t even have to leave their
home. The ease of internet chat rooms, online dating
sites and secret email accounts has caused an alarming
increase in emotional affairs. If your spouse is online
more than usual, hanging out in chat rooms and visiting
pornographic websites then you have reason to be

Secretive phone calls and more time spent on
the phone.
Emotional affairs occur primarily via the
phone, especially cell phones. If you find your spouse
hanging up suddenly when you enter the room or erasing
the history on the cell phone and becoming defensive
when asked about it, then you might want to check your
phone records.

Behavior that just doesn’t add up.
Not being where he/she was expected to be. Missing time
they can’t explain. Money that isn’t accounted for.
Receipts for things you don't have. Missing clothing.
Clothing that does not belong to your family. Being caught
in little lies about the details of the day.
Fact:  Fears and suspicions
If you find yourself looking for
excuses for your spouse's
behavior or trying to convince
yourself that they would never
cheat then that is a warning sign.
Your intuition is frequently one of
the best indicators that something
is wrong.

Women get involved in
extra-marital affairs as often as

Monogamy, in a marital
relationship, is becoming widely
scarce.  With recent media
attention indicating the majority of
households contain non-married
couples, many individuals are,
obviously, opting out of marriage.  
Additionally, recent studies have
shown women, almost as
often as men, will stray from a
marriage.  This fact, alone, may be
a key indicator for the rising
number of non-marriage couples
cohabiting.   In fact, as many as
one in five women have admitted
to cheating while married.  
Unfortunately, with the divorce rate
at 50 percent, many of the
marriages still intact do not survive
any degree of infidelity.
E-mail us today for a free and confidential
This can't be legal...but apparently it is.

Sorry it's long. I haven't posted in many months and it has been Hell.
Remember me? D-day was 4-7-09. STBX was having an affair, told me
he was keeping the house and I was moving back to my homestate. I told
him I would need money to move and he allowed me to keep a prepaid
amex in his name with about 4K on it. I sent most of the money to my
sister through paypal and she started looking for homes for my children
and I (2 kids from my 1st marriage), since I couldn't get there.

The month after D-day was horrible. STBX was abusive, mentally and
physically. He couldn't decide if wanted me or OW. Idiot. I told him I was
done...and he threatened to report the amex stolen. He left the house
May 1st, I moved out on June 15 and he moved back in to the home we
were buying...and was very upset. I took a couple of things he wanted
although I left a lot behind. I took: A generic drum set. A couple of tools.
About 15 music CD's. He was pissed.

First email was to tell me that if he didn't get these things back within a
certain timeframe I would have court drama and investigators looking for
me to discuss a possible bank robbery. What? False claim. He also
found out and informed me that he knew where I lived...which I had
concealed from everyone. Emails continued. I was scared to death and
couldn't afford an attorney, having spent all of my money on the move.
He filed a police report against my father and sister who had come down
to help me pack. It was dropped when I told investigators that I took the
drums. Two weeks later he and OW drove 200 miles, took my vehicle
from my parents driveway, and then wanted to "trade." It was horrible. No
one could help me...being married and the vehicle being in both our
names. He told me that he would drive back 200 miles, bring me the
vehicle so that I could to go to HIS town and get the drums from a
storage unit and then once I placed them on "his" front porch he would
give me the van and title back...however I would have to have OW's 18
y/o daughter ride with me for 4 hours as insurance that I would actually
come to his town. I said no way...he said "Then your son rides back with
me and OW." My 16 y/o way. Then he required that my son
and I ride 4 hours WITH him and OW...In the end he and OW came to
my town in my vehicle and his company vehicle, left me his work car, I
had to drive to his town, get the drums and tools that he wanted (as well
as the original deed to the house), place them on his porch and then
OW came out of my old house and gave me my title. I can't believe I
went through with this...but I needed my vehicle to work...and apparently
all of this was perfectly legal.

He promised it would be over at this point. He would pay for the divorce
and leave me alone. He didn't. He did file for divorce in early July but it
took weeks for me to get the papers. More drama began with him
wanting a quit claim on our home immediately but that subsided. Then
he wanted more property from me. I had repeatedly told him to discuss
property through his attorney...he wouldn't. He had the house (we had
paid and invested about 50K in it) and I left him a houseful of furniture,
electronics and appliances. I had left with nearly nothing after I worked
from home the entire time I was with him, contributing to the home in that
way while also watching his 3 children and mine on my own so that he
could work. All I had that he wanted were a few music CD's...which I had
planned on sending to his attorney...Finally I got my divorce papers in
the mail...not served...just mailed. I had no problem signing them to be
done with him, but there were some things that were not in the mda as
agreed so I called his attorney. He said he would send me a letterhead
that week that stated that these changes would be in the final I waited 3 days to sign the agreement...then it happened...

I get an email from paypal. STBX has filed an unauthorized use charge
on the 3500 payment that I sent to my sister 3 1/2 months prior. Her
account and ebay business was account was limited. The
money was reversed and there I was. I had lost my home, which I loved. I
had temporarily lost my transportation and had to deliver property that
he wanted to his front porch in order to get my vehicle back. Over 200
twisted emails and accusations from the STBX over the course of 6
weeks...and now I have lost the money that I was authorized to have to
leave the home in the first place. You think it's over, right? Not a chance.
I contacted STBX's attorney and asked why this was happening. I
thought we had an agreement and had had no contact with STBX for
weeks. STBX emailed always said everything was my fault...and
then asked for 775.00 and my signature on the current mda...when he
got the money and my signature on the current agreement he would
cancel the dispute against my sister and I. I told him that I had no money
to give him. I wasn't able to meet his demands. Couldn't afford an
attorney and I wasn't sure if this would even be the end of his demands
from me even if I sent him the money and signatures that he wanted.

I made some phone calls to legal aid and they agreed to help...but I
would have to file for an order of protection. I did. I drove to his
hometown and filed these in August. Then we went to court. I had to ask
for a continuance. Legal aid couldn't be there...But STBX and his
mistress were. And then his attorney made "the" claim. None of the
emails I had had actually even come from him. I was apparently breaking
into his email and sending emails to myself. Easily proven false...I had
only responded to him using And all of the emails
between the two of us were certified. They came from either his
employers ISP, OW's ISP and OW's blackberry. Subpoenas were
obtained to show this...but a court order was needed for OW's ISP. We
were in the process of getting this Thursday when I sent my attorney the

She looked them over and called me back. She said that the order of
protection may be difficult for me to obtain...that she knew that as far as
a divorce case, I had a great was clear that STBX had tricked
me into leaving my home. It was very clear that I had been wronged, had
been extorted and that STBX was making life impossible for me over
such little property. And if I wanted my home back I could get it...But
nothing he had done was illegal or considered harassing.

Pushing me out of a home that my name was on as well. 200 emails.
Tracking me down and driving to 200 miles to my town. Taking my only
mode of transportation. Requiring I either take a person with me or give
him my son in order to get access to my vehicle. Filing false
unauthorized use charges and then demanding money, property and my
signature in order to get me out of the dispute. And it's legal. My sister's
business has been unoperational for over a month now. I've lost my
home. The money I was given to leave it in the first place. I have very
little property left. I live on the side of a mountain in the middle of no
where because I was trying to hide from him...but he found me anyway.
And there is nothing that I can do about it...because I shouldn't have
taken the drum set.

I guess the moral here is...let them have it all. If I could go back I wouldn't
have taken the drums. I bought them....they weren't just his. But oh well.

This certainly didn't feel legal.

[This message edited by formerlyjadedme at 11:14 AM, September 5th

Don't let this happen to you

Evidence of an affair would have
changed the circumstances!
Your name:
Your email address:
Your phone number:
Keep the upper hand.

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